flashbacks…

*Sheepishly my last post was supposedly to be done one mth ago* i thought for completeness sake, i should finish that post.

anyways, the past month had been swift and enjoyable. that confirms the fact that time flies wherever you are. i made a couple of new friends, met up with some old friends and strengthened relationships with those older friends. seriously i think the transition period at my new place was made easier cos deb was there and oso due to weiling cos she’s a rookie like me too. and perhaps i was really impressed with the “meow king” and the “funny old man”, i cant helped but keep telling Queen how i really like them. that brings me to the conclusion i made with deb last friday –> bosses really made a BIG difference. i still cant imagine i’ll made the statement that i love to have boss-lunches these days.

the new environment and the new friends apart, i guess it meant something when i’m more willing than ever to check for more information on “what’s IRS?”. =) nonetheless i still need to buck up for my other plan hee…

and if you are thinking i had been lazy for not posting lately…its becos i had shifted back to “my writing on paper”. had been scribbling what comes to the mind onto my organiser these days; i think that captures my thoughts more quickly.

its a sunday. i’m supposed to do some weekly reading.
and oh before i end, to my dear freak…it was a wonderful popiah party and BANG game yest. am gonna miss you after you leave for LA…. but hey, do prep me once u settle down, i’ll go get ready my view-cam for our online lunch/supper yeah =) take care

becoming (more) credible [2]

the last post was done on 22 july; that was end of the 1st week of my notice period.

tmr it’s the end of my notice period; my last day in KPMG.
was typing the farewell email, i was beginning to feel the sadness growing within.
it all started 5 years ago when i signed the contract. then it was the internship days when i realised this is the life of an auditor – OTs, late dinners, vouching, ARs, interviews, nice (Puiyi n Yvonne, the first clients to let me feel so appreciated of being an auditor) and nasty clients (yesh, wont forget the accountant in that paper coy –> the first client to screw me in my audit life), friends and partners (Mat, Clara, Edmund, Fongping etc). And finally 15th July 05 –> i joined the firm officially as a G2.

10th Aug: my last day in the firm. i sent out farewell emails with the thought that “it’s my turn finally”! i gave my sincere thanks to the people there as well as to my clients at CS. Touched by some replies that i managed to receive before returning my “husband” and “boyfriend” for 2-years back to the IT dept. Jiayi kept reminding me “dont turn back once you walked out leh” hahaha…. yeah man, that was wat i always remind people on their last day too. that day ended at ECP with a wonderful BBQ cum crap-and-laugh session with my G1s –> i still prefer to name ourselves G1s 🙂

I remind myself: the reasons why i left. I must remember what motivates me to move forward from now on. No more laziness, no more procrastination.

Cheers and Thanks to the dearest few who’s always there for me.

becoming (more) credible [1]

that was the phrase i learnt from zzr to describe a person who had turned older (well, be it actual age or physical appearance…). in my case, of cos, it refers to the extra candle that i gotta light up.

thank you my dear friends for remembering this day of mine after all the years. each wish from you guys is a blessing to me. thanks 🙂
jiehui’s sms was interesting…she reminded me that i’m 24; scary as it may sounds but i should fear not as hers is always one number greater! haha…. but she’s right, it’s starting to dawn on me that, i’m “twenty-four” liao……… Perhaps that’s y my dad frowns really badly to see me (still) wearing my yellow Anderson PE-tee at home; perhaps that’s y (the OVERLY-CONCERNED) aunties are questioning if i ever had a boyfriend and y didnt i have one yet!

but 对当事人而言, i really didnt feel the impact of the “increasing NUMBER”. probably, time had really passed too quickly for me to realise the impact.

with no exceptions, i’m spending the day with xian this year as well. oooh but the more happening event is that we are gg to the NDP! it’s gonna be celebrations at the Bay this year!! hmm, not gonna harbour any expectations, i just wanna really relax and enjoy the fun.

anyways, it poured really heavily in the early morning. i take it that the rain signify a “washing away of the past” and i’m looking forward to a brand new start!

~me~

贪。时间。算盘。

may-june 07

近来学到，也听到很多很多人生的道理。

我想辞职的念头，让身边的人又喜又忧。值得开心的是因为我终于可以摆脱日夜颠倒的工作；令人担忧的是他们知道了我想试着去发展的领域；为此每个人都急着问：为什么？
也许我解释地不够清楚、没能够让他们相信。所以还是有很多人认为我不应该“一时冲动”，以免浪费了之前读了十几年书所付出的辛苦、也毁了以后的前途。

再说到自己以后想创业，有位前辈给了我一些启示。
他先是问我辞职的原因是不是因为害怕辛苦。我摇摇头。他又问：那接下来我工作的目的是什么？
我（胆怯地）说：我不贪心，最重要的是能赚钱养家。。。以后有机会才希望能创业，当自己的老板。
~你想要投入什么样的生意？~
我答到：饮食。
~你会做菜吗？~
我（很勉强地）回答：不会。（心想，即使我不会煮，也可以聘请这方面的帮手吧！）
~那给你一百千做生意，你觉得多吗？~
听到“一百千”很自然地觉得：当然多啊！！！
指导我的前辈伸出十根手指，对着我说：
~现在一根手指代表十千。创业初期的种种花费，例如租金、装修、器材等等少说也需要三、四十千。~ 说着他把四根手指收起来。~开业过后，成本能不能回收也是个未知数。幸运的话，若生意不成功，成本还可能可以保住。相反的，若投资失利那也就血本无归了。~ 说着又把四根手指收起来。
~所以一百千对你来说。。。还是很多吗？~

其实我听到这儿时，已经有点儿模糊了。好啊，那一百千并不多啦，可是他到底想说什么？

~一个人想要有很多很多的钱，那是没什么错的。这是因为从出生到这世上的一刻起，每个人身上都带着“贪”念。他向我举例：一个小孩子左手拿着冰棒，你若再多给他一只，他会说不要吗？不会。即使吃不完，他也一定会即刻伸出右手把冰棒抢过来。所以每个人都要认识“贪”的存在；这是种无名的推动力，促使着我们去争取自己想要的。重点不被贪念冲混头，不因此做出伤天害理的事，那一个人的贪心并不是一种罪恶。~

他要我明白这个道理。

~人生下来时除了“贪”，他还带者其他两样东西：时间和算盘。
时间对一个人很重要。有了充裕的时间，他可以完成很多事情，实现很多梦想。若是时间不足，可以做到的东西也相对地减少。时间如果用尽了，就好比生命来到了尽头，即使还有很多的梦想没达成，一切也太迟了。~

所以活着时，一定要好好把握时间。

~至于算盘，每个人有自己的一个。每个人都得好好地盘算并由此规划人生的每一步。为什么要做某种决定？这决定又会带来什么利与蔽？这些生命的种种都需要无时无刻的精打细算，以便我们做出各种决定。所以每个人得学着如何利用这种本能去算出成功的策略。~

最后他还告诉我，人生最重要的是有个目标。有了目标，心就能定下来；心一定下来，就能知道该往那条路走。路再多难走，都不成问题了。

==very deep thoughts==

finally i understand how come deb always like talking to jf; what is it about the conversations she had with him that’ll always enlighten her.

i was msn-ing with him. he was hesitant but still “curious” to know the reason behind my choice. i was happy to share with him though i wasnt really expecting him to understand me. he advised me on some things and said his piece of thoughts. really enjoyed talking to him; he’s one of those guy friends of mine who sees far and who knows where he’s heading to. when he learnt about my thinking process, he said he had worried too much. initially he thought i quit out of impulse to runaway from the shit. i feel very blessed to have friends like him, Queen, Freak, deb etc… especially those whom i befriended in KP. it’s not easy to meet friends whom you can talk to after entering into the BIG WORLD.

anyways, like to share what he told me:
“u cant please everyone.. screw them wat they tink of u, only u know wat is ur own worth”

it’s Friday. i realised that it’s one week into my notice period. time flies… 
after the interview, after talking to so many people; i feel that my thoughts had strengthened.

*becoming strong*

“interesting”

18 july

happening day.
7.45am. my dad dropped me off as usual at the mrt station. i was about to take my bag when i realised the car moved and the next thing i felt was: something had crushed against my left foot, that something, CAR TYRE.
yes!!! you didnt hear me wrong, i didnt type anything wrong. the tyre rammed across my entire foot. in a state of shock, i didnt feel any pain. my dad (who was also shocked as he felt the car had went over a “hump”) asked me if he had hurt my foot. i replied: No. i was too shock to react. there wasnt pain… my foot was numb, i felt nothing actually.

i stood in the train cabin, constantly staring at my feet, never stopping to wriggle my toes. the scene kept repeating itself in my brain: WAH BIANG, my foot just got ran over by a CAR !!! 1600cc nissan sunny…that aint too small a car right? OMG !!!
still i felt no pain, but i was worried if my bones might have cracked ?!?! i msg Freak and Queen, calmly, that my foot got crushed. think i scared both of them….and i just continue to walk to CS. (thank god. my foot was really okie…brina said i shouldnt have move so much in case i’ll make worse any internal cracks or injuries).

well, that’s only the start of a “series of happening events”. after downloading my emails (still wriggling the toes, in a state of shockness), i saw that the US PC had blown his top. Haiii….bad start. By then i was losing concentration in preparing for my interview….when the time was up to leave for the interview, i said to myself: forget it, just go in and be prepared to be whacked. True enough, the interview flopped…i took no more than 15mins. the interviewers were struggling to think on what other questions can they ask me, finally they gave up and decide to go for their early lunch…

haii…i called Queen for lunch. while waiting for her, the rain poured. i couldnt walk to ORQ in the rain to see the doc. Well, at least lunch was good; Queen accompanied me for a vegetarian lunch at the Golden Bridge. Finally when the rain weakened, i hurried to ORQ. and DAMN it, the receptionist said they were closed for lunch till 2pm. TMD. it was only 1.25pm at that time!!!! ARGHHHH… i really thought i wanted to go back home and hide for the rest of the day in case more HAPPENING stuff happens. hmmm subsequently….things improved…. i saw edmund (smiles) while heading to the clinic in Republic Plaza. i waited for almost 2 hours……20min to get registered; 20min of waiting time before i see the doc; 5 min of consultation –> the doctor was doubtful of my freak accident, he put a BIG exclamation on the consultation card. his remarks: left foot RAN OVER by car !!!; 10min of xray; 15min of waiting time; 2min of doctor’s review; another 15min to get the medicine…oh well, i had lost track of the time spent (or wasted). the only heng thing was: my foot was perfectly fine, thank god!

the call with the US PC also turned out fine. he had simmered down…and agree to give me the system printouts (unwillingly but the info he provided subsequently was incomplete). by then, i was feeling so dizzy…i couldnt stand properly. guess the medicine came into effect. i struggled to keep my balance to get home and i just plonked onto bed after a bath.

what a happening day.

人有偶像是有原因的…

.

.

flipped my bank book. pressed my calculator. did my sums.

enough as it may seemed with incurred liabilities…but i’ll probably have to eat grass soon. haha, not a bad idea, perhaps going veggie can help to lose those stubborn fats ar…

stupidchild has gotta be sure of her directions.
time and again, when i lose my directions, i feel helpless, edgy, juz nothing but calm. as a result i feel the fear growing. when you’re heading to no where and afraid of losing your way, you’ll make no decisions or worse still, make all wrong decisions.

i gotta be cool.

the next burning question: when is the good time?

==me==
 

hogwash – 一切(将)归零

Hogwash i.e. reset to zero.

Picked up this term from the game “PIG-pile” which i played today at The Settlers Cafe (anyways, to sickkk and freakkk: it was an enjoyable day. Next time we can jio more pple, like our Mr Choo, and play for a longer time! Em… and also to make sure we play that city/settlement-building game correctly *hahaha*).

Fun times apart. despite my saying that i’ll update the blog with the “things-done-and-not done” during my leave, i failed to do so given the ups-and-downs that came along for the past 2 weeks.

I really feel at times, i dun deserve happiness or well there’s just a cap to how much happiness i can have. when the knock-out level is reached, all happiness will be taken away in a flash and i’ll be slapped with pain and hurt. a (cliche) piece of advice to all: dun ever take things for granted; feel the blessings on you when you get to be with your family, friends and loved ones.

anyways, why did i feel that it’s time to hogwash? well, the moment i had been waiting for had finally arrived. As early as 2 wks ago, people had been telling/asking me,
Congratulations! You’re a senior!!!
Are you excited? Are you ready?
I smiled and inside my heart, i’m actually thinking: Ya, ready….ready to tender.
it was really mixed feelings on Friday when promo/bonus letters were out. There were only 2 types of expressions on the people who came out from the Partner’s room:
(1) Smiles for those who got what they expected or MORE than what they had expected or
(2) Grouchy frowns for those who didnt get what they wanted. they are also the people who’ll go around asking others: so how? you happy or not? Basically they’re either hoping to find similar unsatisfied souls or to know who got the highest and why didnt they get the same amt.

Myself? i only dying for this day so that i can proceed with my “letter-exchange”. i didnt feel any excitement like last year (gin put it as: the passion is gone) in fact it was a “down-ness” — a feel of hiding in a hole and watch the world pass by. *hahah Queen, you know this!* Haiii….. anyways i had been flippin the calender, calculating and planning when to do what by when; to the extent that i forgotten why is there a public holiday on 9th aug. which also means i had forgotten that it’s my hatch day. prior to this, i always think that dramas are too exaggerated when those characters got so engrossed with work that they forgot it’s their bday. well, there’s really some truth to the dramas that’s why there’s the phrase 戏如人生!

at the very least, i gotta get out of my “hole”. since the time has come, i gotta play it right now. Resetting to zero is fine, one must know how to get started all over again, that’s more important.

==me==

p.s. last year this time, July 2006, tis was how i felt….

leave (ended)

i went on leave (on the 1st day of my looooong needed break) then i was on leave (for the entire 3 weeks) and now i ended my leave.

seemed like a damn long break that i had to many people. if you are to do some calculations, my last decent break was July 2006. this 3 weeks of break came after a biggg hooo-haaa (seriously BIG) of which i’m not gonna waste time putting it down in memory. and because it came as a sudden, it left me totally unplanned. the must-ask question(s) that i had heard from people who knew i was on leave were:
No. 1: Eh so did you go anywhere (i.e. overseas)?
Me: Nope; too sudden to make arrangements
No. 2: Huh! Em then what did you do?

Hmm let’s talk about the things i didnt do instead…

• Put to advantage the smaller crowds on weekdays to go shopping despite the start of GSS
• Tidy up or back up my working files
• Do up my memory scrapbook-diary
• et cetera …….

And the things i did

• Tidy up my CYA stuff but the “TO BURN” stuff have yet to be brought to office em to burn
• Cleared and backed up my INBOX and my PICTURES
• Celebrated 2 farewells for JF and Deb
• DIY card, rice crisps- & cereal-choco for Deb’s farewell prez
• Had our “CS G2s and G1s only” Holland V XO Fish BeeHoon
• “Catch-ups” with Queen, Freak, Xian, Zhiming, Shiyang, Xingyong, Kunlin, Irene, Lindsay …
• Attended ample “Life Lessons”
• Meals at HOME !!! Meals with my parents and bro !!!
• Went gai gai with my ah ma !!!

If you happen to think what’s the exclaimation behind the last 2 items, pls remember that 3/4 of my day is spent in CS with my colleagues. Think that’ll make better sense of the inclusion of those 2 most important “accomplishments”.

anyways, will follow up with posts and pictures of the “What I Did“. the “life lessons” learnt….ooh i need a long post to note them all down if i want to.

the sunday-night sms was a not-much desired reminder that i’m starting work tmr. but nvm…let the counting down begins !!! There’s still plenty of thinking to do during this next 2 weeks –> a very crucial period.

okie, shall end it here for now! ZzzZzz.

== nites ==