thoughts

有些事如果永远忘不了，那我会选择只去记得美好的部分；
至于伤心和痛苦的那些，除了从中获得的经验，其他的通通深埋在心里就好。
既然是些不开心的，又何必去在乎呢？

== 沉思的笨小孩==

nice song

thanks to deb, i fell in love with this song by 林峰 – Raymond Lam. was thrilled to find the lyrics when i found this video on youtube cos i had been listening to the song for sometime, yet i only understood half of what it meant.

and take note: he has other great songs too! hope to find more of his other videos meanwhile, listen to this and read the lyrics!

x-roads

the news came earlier than expected. my original plans have to be re-organised and i’ll probably have to take it with more patience and tolerance than required.

it’s getting more stressful and pressurizing. the thought of ‘vanishing-like-that’ flashed time and again; i can choose to be that irresponsible since they are so cao-kuan. you know it’s like 你不仁我不义…… but there’s so many “buts” and “factors-to-consider”.

~tired, tired and more tired~

my msn sub-nick goes –> 昨天：我记得了。今天：我知道了。明天：我不管了
in my own words: whatever that happen yest, i’ll remember it, move on and not dwelt on what i can change no more. whatever that’s gonna happen tmr, since i cant predict it, i shall not be in constant worry of what’ll tmr be like. whatever that’s happening today, i’m experiencing every moment of it now and cos i’m still in control, i should concentrate and live in the present. 人得学着活在当下。

接受批评

称赞就如糖，它虽然甜，吃多了也会生病。批评就如药丸或药物注射，这种药物的治疗过程虽然辛苦，但却能把病治好。我们应该有勇气接受批评、而不是害怕它、拒绝它。

其实我们在别人身上所见到的丑恶就是我们自己本性的反照。一个人的私生活、境遇和世界，乃是自己的思想和信念的反照。人好比镜子，随各别的特性显现出来，所以人们看世界的人、事、物、也应该象照镜子一样，将自己的影子如实地映照。

出路

it had been an interesting week; or rather should i say eventful week.
when u have more time, it’s possible to think of other things other than work. i had encountered interesting people, engaged in interesting conversations and made interesting finds of myself, of my dearest loved ones, of my dearest loved ones’ loved ones and of places and food.

1. i started to train for my JP morgan run. time is running out frankly but i’ll make sure i show that woman i can finish it!!!

2. as i wanted more concentration in doing my work and to avoid being in the same room with “that woman” when she’s down to review files, i had moved to work in the pantry. i faced the other tower of ORQ so i assumed those pple i see opposite me are Barclays people; i’ve Hong Leong just at the corner of my eye…more importantly i have my spacious table to myself. but becos i’m exposed to pple walking up and down to the pantry; i made more little conversations with the clients. HY –> the auditor-wanna-be (i still cant believe…), JL –> the nice person who taught me wat Imatch is but later i tot he wanted to kill me when i kept perstering him for explanations and Alex –> i always see him as the stern, fierce old man who always comes to my other client to remind her of meetings. surprisingly, except when he tried to pull out the Cross-that-ward-off-auditors, he’s quite an amiable person. he’s used to stay in Shanghai *my eyes wide wide open; wat good timing!!!* and is going back there again actually and mocked himself as a vacuum cleaner who cleans up the shit left behind…. haha *sounds familiar*. JL was more into the book that i was reading: Mitch Albom’s For one more day. i’m all out to intro that book to him and everyone else though i’m only halfway through it. some may thought it’s cliche but seriously it’s always these little important things in life that we need constant reminder on.

3(a) deb and i had finally the chance to talk to my seniors of what had been troubling us. we heard more news and stories; shared similar doubts and worries…the conclusion of course is to “think carefully” but it’s really a burden off the shoulder now. but then, hmmmm… my leave is still not confirmed, and i still have to be pulled out to go Concourse… haiiii

3(b) conversations that revolved around the same topic strengthened some of my beliefs of myself as well as reliving some of them; i feel good. no doubt there’s still the wavering factor present. in my heart, there lies an answer and i’m looking for a support to it; if i dont have it…i guess i’ll just have to convince others in my own way! and because of my own beliefs, i had been trying to explain to deb how she can restructure her thoughts as well; i believe she has an answer too. we’re all seeking support to our answers actually.

even if i fail, it’s a learning experience.

3(c) i’m thankful that freak (oops! hee) and Queen had been patiently listening and advicing me. my dears, i’m aware of the concerns…i must say i have similar fears as well. 3 more months…i’ll give the answer by that time. and moving down the timeline, in 5 years time, we’ll come together to realise that dREAM ! 大家一起加油！！！
anyways…let’s go back to Haji Lane again though i’ll start to camp at that area soon. i still want go Holland V and the Vietnamese cafe hor….

== tata ==

democracy …. freaking faked !

i had included TMD in msn for the above nick. yesh…i had never been so pissed and angry at the lousy management before. a mere 20mins talk had made that possible. democracy my head… pui !!!

i’m a ‘people-environment’ person; i had said it before, the clients can be damn shitty or the job itself can be horribly yucky but as long as the team works together, the management understands and supports us….i’ll be able to tide through the shit. and i’m serious. however the truth just proved me wrong and hit me with tonnes and tonnes of disappointment. i cant even find the words to describe it all… speechless! oh yeah, the closest phrases gotta be: gie-sim or ceng-sim (i.e. 心灰意冷).
come on… is employee satisfaction that insignificant? or is it that cos we dun speak up, 你就以为我们真的好欺负吗? #($%&#($%&#($*%^#($%&@# i was so angry i woke up on Good Friday with anger all in my mind !!!!!

suckssss …..

learning points: you dont give empty promises to your employees cos that’ll only make them lose faith in you. in relation to that, all the more you dont LIE to your employee in hope that they’ll just abide by your wishes when the time comes cos that’ll only make them PISSED and DISAPPOINTED. plus… give your employees the BREAK they deserved; increasing the cap for OT hours but not leaving any space in their planner for them to clear their OT is just pure CRAP.

this reminded me of a conversation i had with a cab uncle when i went home on another 2am. his previous company set some KPIs which determine if cabbies can get their year-end incentive bonus, one of them being: to hit the quota of 100 on-call customers within 3 months. puzzled and in doubt, i asked:
but that’s not controllable by you guys.. aint it?
wah… 小姐，连你都会这样问我；我的那些老板真的不懂怎么想的.

damn sian…. now, where are the brains?
that uncle switched to another cab company anyways….

不必烦恼

快乐和成功生活的秘诀，在于把握现在，不为过去与未来的事情操心。我们既不能回到过去以改变既成的事实、也不能预知每件将来要发生的事；惟有现在的一刻是我们有能力控制的。

许多人只为他们的将来操心。如果他们能依据日常生活中所发生的情况，作适当的自我调整，他们就不必再为将来的事情烦恼了。无论心中有什么梦想或憧憬，他们得牢牢记住他们正处在一个不断转变的世界里。

有趣的quotes

chanced upon these interesting words on the net  … courtesy of http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1277919805 <长长 – 与食巨进>

新语录(摘自<精品购物指南>)

千万别等到人人都说你丑的时候才发现自己真的很丑.

走别人的路,让别人无路可走.

人,生在床上,死在床上,欲生欲死,也在床上.

我身在江湖,江湖却没有关于我的传说.

树不要皮,必死无疑;人不要脸,天下无敌.

无所为而无所谓,无所谓而无所不为.

骚归骚,骚有骚的贞操;贱归贱,贱有贱的尊严.

人生的成功不在于拿到一副好牌,而是怎样将坏牌打好.

自从我变成了狗屎,就再也没有人踩到我的头上.

天使之所以会飞,是因为她们把自己看得很轻.

felt really ‘close’ to a couple of the phrases above….guess it’s pretty obvious which are they….

:p

忧愁与恐惧

a year ago, amidst the pile of newspapers under my living room’s table, i found this particular booklet titled <<怎样克服你的困难>>. i flipped through the buddhism reading and found the teachings very meaningful. i had since kept it with my books. recently in my midst of confusion, i started to pick up the little booklet again. feel like sharing some of the articles….here’s the first.

忧愁和苦恼经常形影相随，一齐出现在我们的生活中。如果你感到忧愁，你就会苦恼；如果你感到苦恼，你就会忧愁。我们一定要面对现实，但不能让现实征服我们。我们应该以坚强的意志力，容忍和决心，正确地了解我们的情感，并善用智慧来引导情感，消除忧愁和苦恼。

忧愁是我们自己制造的。我们没试着去了解或认清个人的主观情感，而对事物产生错觉，因此我们心里便生起了烦恼。如果我们能正视一切事物，便不难发现这世间上并无一物是永恒的，这包括了我们的执着所引起的烦恼。对事物有了真正的了解后，我们便能找出补救的方法来驱除忧愁和苦恼。除此之外，我们需要学习放弃自私的心理，把精力转向服务人群，才能找到真正的和平和快乐。

许多人有期望，渴望，害怕和忧虑等情绪，却不懂得如何有效地转化这些情绪，他们甚至觉得羞愧，不敢自我承认这些情绪的存在。但不论他们如何掩饰，或把这些情绪窒塞起来，这些情绪总会找一个出口发泄，结果影响身体机能的运作，使它不正常，而引起种种慢性疾病。只要我们能够训练我们的心，通过正确的禅修或内心修辞，就能把这些不良的情绪驱散。

当你有心事时，不要在每个人面前拉长脸儿，你只要把心事向那些能真正帮助你的人和盘托出。如果你能在重重困难中依然保持笑容，那是多么美好的一回事。只要你真正有心去尝试这么做，你就一定能做得到，而且这并不困难。

许多在感情上受过伤害的人过着苦恼的生活；这是因为他们对生命缺乏正确的认识及了解。无论如何，生离死别是不可避免的。这种情形可能会在人生的早期，中期或晚期发生，但它最终还是不可避免的事实。当这种离别发生时，我们要尝试找出原因在那儿。如果离别是不可避免的，我们要有勇气去接受它，应明白这是生命性质的表现。

佛陀说：“只有愚蠢的人才会产生恐惧，有智慧的人是不会产生这种情绪的。”恐惧只是一种心理状态，它是可以受控制和引导的。反面的思想作用会产生恐惧，而正面的思想作用产生的是希望和理想。这些思想作用其实都是由我们自己选择的。

每个人都有能力完全控制自己的心，这是人们唯一可以完全控制的范围。当心念生起时，人类便创造了事物，而恐惧也是如此被创造出来的。

有一次，一位学生问一位英国著名的解剖学家什么是治疗恐惧的良方。解剖学家回答：“是替别人服务。”这位学生听了感到惊奇，并要求他加以说明。他说：“你的内心不能同时存有两套对立的想法，一套想法常把另一套赶掉。例如：当你的内心已充满了无私助人的念头，你就不能同时感到恐惧。烦恼比岁月更易催人老。长期的忧虑会扰乱身体正常的运作。反过来说，如果你能经常带给别人快乐，自己也一定会觉得快乐，因为你的内心已无法同时储存那些扰人的烦恼了。

==think==

hmmm

went home earlier to do my remaining work (well, in the midst of doing it now…but clever me forgot to copy one file onto my thumb…). becos of the delay in the schedules, we had a pretty relaxing day. and the 5 of us was laughing so hard after lunch till dinner; i seriously think the Ops pple outside must have heard us through the sound-proof doors !!!!

O-M-G. haha… but seeing how jency imitates grace, i cant stop laughing! and god, she really mistook my “tie” into a “anyhow-tied-ribbon” *sweats*. that babe is the laughing-apple this year… wahahaha!

anyways, surprise surprise. guess who i met on the train? mr tang wensheng ! yes, if i recall, he’s the guy whom i respect a lot for his drive and enthusiam but i’ll never forget how he made me broke down to tears with his ‘interesting acts’ that created lotsa disturbances to my camp years back… ahhaha! ooh, i’m not that childish to remember those bad memories la. but i was really surprised he actually called me. we chatted our way back home…realised he wanted to be a teacher in time to come! hmmm… another surprise. i always tot he’s the super ambitious guy who’ll aim his way up up up and above the corporate ladder. but i guess he’ll be a good teacher as well, steady and sturdy! yes, he really is. and i still have lotsa admiration for his determination! haha.. jia you!

before i go back to work, realised something about me today (from my GAs):
i’m actually the ‘more serious’ between me and deb;
i had slimmed down (?!?! hmm.. i tot the only response from the comparison of now and my staff pass picture will be i had grown to be more haggard);
i actually speaks quite 标准华语! (that didnt occur to me before…but unexpectedly wensheng also passed that remark) haha

~when is my leave coming…..when is my LLP signing….when what how?~
tired…

==good nite==